LMFAO is a band that gained popularity for gyrating and having songs that people love to sing at middle-school dances and student nightclubs, but never actually had all that much musical talent.

LMFAO was also my reaction when I found out Drew Miller would be a part of the Detroit Red Wings once again this year, despite not having much hockey talent. Yeah, it wasn’t a great year for him at all. It started off with confusion and ended with regret, dismay, and a whole bunch of other adjectives that aren’t positive.

I don’t want to say he was the worst Red Wing on the roster this season, but he definitely tossed his name into the conversation.

And the sad thing? Were we supposed to be surprised with that? What exactly was Ken Holland thinking when he decided that he had no better options than re-signing Drew Miller? I honestly don’t know if Ryan Miller as a forward would do much worse.

It wasn’t like he regressed very far from his previous level of play last season. He was just never very good as an NHLer, and his play caught up to him by this point. Most players that peak at 14 goals aren’t really worth your while by the time they get to their thirties, but here we are.

With a cap hit of $1,025,000, Drew Miller didn’t hurt the Red Wings in the chequebook, but he didn’t exactly help them on the ice either.

Well, what were you expecting? For it to look good? I honestly think this is one of the worst I’ve ever seen.

Maybe he can find some air time as a Just for Men model, because if any team signs him to be a player in the NHL next season I’m not really sure where they’re going with that one.

Get ready for a whole lot of “YIKES, DREW MILLER OH NO!” takes all around.

Boxcars:

I guess generating 43 shots in 565 minutes of ice time isn’t bad? I don’t know, that’s the only positive I see. He shot efficiently enough, though maybe that’s luck based. How do you seriously analyze his season and try to point out positives?

But hey, that’s a pretty good faceoff percentage! (Oh, he only took 3 all year? Carry on.) YIKES, DREW MILLER OH NO!

Corsi: 

For every sixty minutes the Red Wings played with Miller on the ice, for 16 of them the Red Wings were, on average, not able to muster a shot attempt. He wasn’t exactly playing with Gretzky a lot as the Wings had one of the league’s worst lines in recent memory, but there’s a reason that line was so bad. As the “M” in the “OMG” line of him, Steve Ott and Luke Glendening, possession was 4/10ths of the Wings game on average when those three jokesters were put out on the ice together.

One in every 25 shot attempts that was Miller was on the ice for went in. YIKES, DREW MILLER OH NO!

On average, one in every six games that he played, Drew Miller would happen to be on the ice the same time that the Red Wings would score a goal.

It doesn’t look *quite* as bad when you adjust for his low level of ice time, but still, man. That’s not great, pal. YIKES, DREW MILLER OH NO!

He should retire. Honestly, I don’t see any use for him on any NHL team. Do you? If so, why? WHYYYYY? Why would you hold that opinion?

So, probably, a pay raise, 82 games played for the Red Wings, six points, and another one-year deal after that?

I kind of hope he goes to Vegas, though. That’d be fun. Not as a player, just on a trip. On what will probably be the NHL’s worst roster next year, I still don’t know if he’d even crack that.

Maybe he signs for Grand Rapids as a pity contract? Maybe he becomes the Red Wings goalie in a tank?

But I think he should honestly just become a scout or an ECHL coach or something like that. Pro hockey probably isn’t for him anymore, and that’s okay. His brother Ryan can join him in retirement fairly shortly.

The most positive thing I can say about Drew Miller as a hockey player is that the Red Wings probably won’t sign him again, if they’re smart. Then again, who knows if Ken Holland’s learned his lesson yet not to reward people with contracts just because they’re friends of yours.

With just 7 points in 55 games, Miller would’ve had a bad season if he was a defensive defenceman. He’s not.

He didn’t look very good, and if hockey had a WAR stat that could be easily calculated as in baseball, he’d be definitely what you consider “below replacement.”

A generous D. It’s not his fault he was handed a contract.